Breaking Borders, A Remarkable Story of Adventure, Family, and Career Success That Defied All Expectations by Kate Isler

Recommendation

Microsoft veteran Kate Isler’s saga of perseverance and independence proves that every leader’s career trajectory is unique. From humble origins, Isler went from serving fast food to leading global teams for Microsoft and finding her calling advocating for gender parity. Isler distills her diverse experiences into lessons to inspire leaders, entrepreneurs and other women in business. She demonstrates the importance of relationships, finding work-life balance, trusting your vision and bypassing convention when it stands in your way.

Take-Aways

• Glean incremental lessons and small victories from your experiences.
• Turn to negotiation and self-advocacy to navigate uncertainty.
• Strengthen your leadership style by noting what you respect and disrespect in others.
• Women leaders sometimes must bypass convention and move ahead without a template.
• Parenting and relocating for global career opportunities aren’t mutually exclusive.
• When facing adversity, be kind to yourself, so you can show up for others.
• Everyone struggles with life transitions. Your attitude makes the difference.
• Build a community of women to create necessary cultural change.

Breaking Borders Book Summary

Glean incremental lessons and small victories from your experiences.

Kate Isler began her working life with wildly varied early experiences. Coming from a humble background, she was a hotel switchboard operator, a fast food server and a receptionist. Her later professional experiences included becoming a high-ranking Microsoft executive and founding her own river rafting business in Colorado. Throughout, she learned these important lessons.

• Never underestimate yourself â€“ Find strength within. You can accomplish more than you imagine.
• Don’t fear risks â€“ You might not make millions when you launch your first business, but you’ll gain valuable lessons and accrue small victories that make it worthwhile.
• Embrace honesty â€“ Reflect on what you’re actually able to handle and live with, and stick to your resolutions as you embark on your own path.
• Craft your life vision â€“ Decide what your dream life looks like. Then, commit to realizing that vision.
• Study people â€“ Regardless of what roles you take on, you can always learn new things by paying attention to the people around you.

Don’t spend too much time in a role that feels awkward or doesn’t align with your broader goals. When Isler got her first stable job – as an office receptionist – she wasn’t very good at it, and she knew it wasn’t her future path. 

“Being a receptionist is somewhat like being an appliance. People knew I was there and counted on my work, but most of the time, I was invisible.”

Her boss confessed that Isler’s firing was imminent and suggested that she quit before it happened. This experience taught her to trust her intuition. When a role doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right for you. 

Turn to negotiation and self-advocacy to navigate uncertainty.

Due to her father’s work as a Holiday Inn manager, Isler moved around a lot as a child and often lived in hotel suites. These frequent moves and upheavals helped her fine-tune her interpersonal skills and become adept at relationship building. 

She had to navigate even more uncertainty as an adult, when – having never left North America – she and her husband, Doug Isler, traveled around Southeast Asia as newlyweds. This formative trip taught Isler that she had the personal skills and tools to navigate new contexts and environments. 

“Self-advocating is a life skill that everyone should practice. It is easier said than done in many cases, but you will always feel better if you have represented yourself honestly.”

Isler believes most learning happens when you leave your comfort zone. She experienced this firsthand when she landed a job as an outside salesperson for a Seattle photo lab that was in the midst of an expansion. Isler forged relationships with marketing managers across the city, while creatively identifying new revenue streams. Working in sales taught her negotiation and self-advocacy. In her view, you never need to accept a first offer, because a business transaction always has room for compromise. Negotiating doesn’t need to be an unpleasant, adversarial experience if you approach it as a simple discussion. 

Strengthen your leadership style by noting what you respect and disrespect in others.

When you start a new job, familiarize yourself with its existing power structures and hierarchies. Ask questions to gain clarity. Pay attention to good and bad leadership behavior, so you can replicate what you respect and avoid repeating others’ mistakes as you climb your organization’s career ladder.

A job at a marketing agency â€“ where she worked for a boss whose leadership style she didn’t respect – helped Isler refine her views about leadership. Employees liked the boss, but Isler felt he didn’t lead effectively because he avoided difficult conversations. Leaders cannot dodge addressing issues that have a negative impact on their teams. 

“Microsoft leadership was young, hungry and aggressive. But they understood that people make mistakes and that, if you give them the opportunity, most competent people will recover, repair and learn quickly.”

Isler began her two-decade career at Microsoft in 1989. At the time, its business model called for partnering with IBM to develop and sell coding languages and operating systems to developers. Microsoft constantly reorganized itself as Isler worked her way up into a marketing role in which she managed a small team. 

Building her team to include field marketing, Isler gained two significant insights about managing people. Just as Microsoft’s leaders gave her permission to make mistakes and learn from them, she extended these learning opportunities to her team. Developing authentic relationships helps motivate people to follow you. Therefore, Isler advises, invest time in getting to know your team members.

Women leaders sometimes must bypass convention and move ahead without a template.

Living the life you envision requires overcoming your fear of doing things differently than your predecessors. Women frequently fail to climb the corporate ladder because they focus on their qualifications instead of their attributes. For example, they often don’t recognize the ways they could become valuable corporate assets in roles that require continuous learning.

Isler bucked convention by aspiring to gain a level of success similar to her male colleagues’ positions and by asking to work in the office of one of Microsoft’s global subsidiaries. This took her first to Dubai, and then to Africa, India and the Middle East (AIME), as Microsoft’s regional marketing manager. 

“Women didn’t consider this type of global career as an option. It never occurred to me that I couldn’t do it.”

Sometimes, being willing to do things differently can be a company’s best asset. The male leaders Microsoft partnered with in the Middle East were caught off guard when Isler announced an important change in the company’s business model. These men were nonplussed precisely because Isler was a woman. They weren’t accustomed to negotiating with a female at such a high corporate level. This unexpected wrinkle gave Microsoft a significant edge as it moved toward more competitive pricing.

Parenting and relocating for global career opportunities aren’t mutually exclusive.

The decision to make a career move is an important life choice that requires you to define success on your own terms. Remember that your home isn’t a physical location – home can be wherever your family is. While convention dictates that an American mother ought to raise her family in the United States, Isler took on another opportunity at Microsoft – to work as a regional marketing director in London â€“ although it required her to spend 75% of her time traveling. 

“Home is where the family is, not a location on a map or a building.”

Isler understood that diversity and gender parity give global teams a competitive edge, so she focused on bringing in more female team members and more members from different cultures – people with strategic ideas and different knowledge foundations. Her commitment to diversity and gender parity was pivotal to her team’s success in opening new Microsoft offices, protecting intellectual property, and introducing new versions of Microsoft Office and Windows. 

When facing adversity, be kind to yourself, so you can show up for others.

Sometimes life throws adversity and challenges your way, and you need time to recharge. After gleaning valuable lessons from working abroad, Isler took a job close to home – near Microsoft’s Redmond, Washington, campus – as the international marketing director for Microsoft Press. When the move created difficulties in her marriage, she learned the value of taking time away from her career for self-care and healing. 

Returning to work after a break poses its own challenges. When Isler returned to Microsoft, she no longer occupied a role at her former senior level. She had no direct reports and had to share an office. She faced a choice: She could continue to wallow in frustration or choose to improve her situation. Isler remained positive, and managed to transform her job into something more suitable: a marketing position with Microsoft’s team in Eastern Europe. She pivoted by taking time to connect with her colleagues, working in open collaboration areas instead of hiding in a tiny office, tackling projects that enhanced her visibility and meeting new people. 

“Giving up is not an option! When you know that you are headed in the right direction, and there are detours or obstacles that set you back, look at them as part of the journey and not a reason to abandon the vision.”

When you face adversity, treat yourself with compassion and take time to recover. If you don’t take recovery time, you may fail to show up for the colleagues who depend on you or for your loved ones. You may find yourself in a difficult situation with no easy or fast solution. When this happens, focus on grounding yourself in the present and taking things step by step, one day at a time. 

Trust yourself if something doesn’t feel right, and don’t hesitate to fight for relationships you view as worth saving. Isler convinced her husband to relocate their family to Munich for her new marketing role. She learned to never take those who support her for granted. Isler acknowledges her husband’s bravery in doing things differently and breaking free of conventional gender roles to be a trailing spouse and their children’s primary caregiver.

Everyone struggles with life transitions. Your attitude makes the difference.

As you build your life experiences, you may face many “almosts.” After Isler left Microsoft, she experienced what she perceived as â€œa year of almosts.” She almost launched a start-up, almost sold her house and almost got an offer for a big job in California. Despite finally getting her college degree, Isler felt unsure how to navigate this new stage in her life. Life transitions aren’t easy for anyone – Isler’s husband suffered, too, since their children had grown up and left their household, and he was no longer sure of his role.

“Life is a series of twists and turns. My success has come through being open to the possibilities and seeking out situations and people that fill my soul.”

When life seems dire, and you feel things couldn’t get any worse, choose to have a positive attitude and tackle your challenges with grace, rather than indulging in negative emotions. When she wasn’t working, Isler combated isolation and depression by staying connected to her network of global contacts. This helped her stay relevant in her field and alert to new opportunities.

Build a community of women to create necessary cultural change.

If you’re a female executive, your connections to other women leaders can be crucial, especially if you work in a male-dominated industry like technology. Isler realized she needed to leave Microsoft when a woman leader she admired left the company, and it replaced her with a man who had little respect for Isler’s experience. Too many women opt out when they face challenges, rather than trying harder to create the life of their dreams. Often, women hold limiting beliefs because their culture conditioned them to constrain their visions. Overcoming these limitations is challenging, but it’s necessary if you want to live life on your terms.

“I have once again reinvented myself. This version of me includes being an author, a motivator and a community builder.”

Isler could have become discouraged searching for a new job, because she encountered many companies with ageist and sexist hiring practices. Instead, she saw an opportunity to reinvent herself. She committed to writing her autobiography and to creating an advocacy campaign, Be Bold Now, a community that dedicates itself to fighting for gender parity. 

Today, Isler works to connect women who champion and celebrate one another, instead of seeing each other as competition. Too often, people treat successful women leaders as anomalies or disapprove of them for failing to hew to their expected roles as wives and mothers. People sometimes fail to accept nontraditional family structures, in which men take on domestic responsibilities to support their partners’ careers. Isler exhorts readers to push for cultural change, to change the way business power systems undervalue women, and to help make sure that more women can succeed.

About the Author

Kate Isler is Co-Founder and CEO of TheWMarketplace, an eCommerce platform that promotes women-owned businesses.

Video & Audio

The Fix, Overcome the Invisible Barriers That Are Holding Women Back at Work by Michelle P. King

Recommendation

Companies that devote resources to promoting a diverse, gender-balanced workforce mostly fall short because they try to “fix” workers to fit the “ideal worker” prototype. Women learn new skills, find mentors, speak up, negotiate and lean in – all to no avail. Gender expert Michelle P. King says these tactics don’t work because women aren’t men. King describes numerous â€œinvisible barriers” that women and other minorities face. Firms that remove these barriers can unleash the full potential of their workforce. 

Take-Aways

• Women who want to advance often try to “fix” themselves to fit their corporate culture, but the flaws are in the workplace.
• The so-called ideal corporate worker is male, white, heterosexual, able-bodied and middle-class.
• Many people deny sexism exists. They can’t change what they don’t acknowledge.
• Most people aren’t aware of accruing privilege due to their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, class or perceived ability.
• Women face multiple invisible barriers to their success that arise due to inequality, patriarchal ideas and privilege.
• In the middle “endurance phase” of their careers, women must balance work and home.
• Women leaders face invisible barriers in the “contribution phase” of their careers.
• Workplace gender equality benefits men as much as women.
• Commit to equality as part of your company’s culture.
• Stereotypical images of men and women force everyone to conform.

The Fix Book Summary

Women who want to advance often try to “fix” themselves to fit their corporate culture, but the flaws are in the workplace.

Patriarchy supports the beliefs that women aren’t as good or as valuable as men. Patriarchy is so much a part of society that most people don’t realize they hold those beliefs. Yuval Noah Harari wrote in Sapiens that humans developed a hierarchical division of labor at the time of the Agricultural Revolution. Men farmed; women tended the hearth and children. Even today, people accept gender roles early and without question, and those roles form unconscious expectations. Society monetized agricultural work, giving men’s work value, but not home and child care. People came to associate leadership and power with masculinity.

“At best, these work environments are blind to the needs of women, and at worst, they function to uphold the belief that men are supreme and women are simply not as valuable.”

Companies spend time and money on diversity and anti-harassment training, flexible work schemes and parental leave, but these are stopgaps for underrepresented groups. Firms design these programs to help workers fit the idea of perfect employees. Women are often excellent leaders – creative, collaborative and democratic. They are skilled, savvy and tough. The workplace – not the women – needs to change.

The so-called ideal corporate worker is male, white, heterosexual, able-bodied and middle-class.

In the TV program Mad Men, the Don Draper character who works grueling hours and prioritizes his company over his family symbolizes the ideal worker. He’s ambitious, decisive, competitive and commanding, and he dominates his office with aggressive, competitive behavior.

“If women choose to be themselves at work, they are unlikely to be accepted, included, valued and rewarded in the same way as men. This is inequality. And this cannot be solved by women alone.”

Only a white man can fit the Draper model – but only if he has no family, or a wife raising their kids. The less people resemble this prototype, the less others see them as leaders.

Many people deny sexism exists. They can’t change what they don’t acknowledge.

People tend to like and trust those who resemble them. Modern sexism denies inequality. Modern racism is apparent when people say they “don’t see color.”

“Modern sexism is underpinned by the belief that biological differences are responsible for gender segregation at work rather than discrimination.”

Women experience gender inequality daily. Denying their experience is a form of gas-lighting and erodes their self-confidence. “Visible barriers” in the gendered workplace include discriminatory policies based on male preferences and expectations, such as no parental leave, or the unspoken requirement to work extended hours. “Invisible barriers” impede women’s advancement. For instance, companies often value women’s collaborative leadership style less than a dominant, aggressive male style. Diversity programs threaten male white workers. Rather than seeing that a woman colleague earned her leadership role, male peers view her as a token. Gender parity in leadership comes naturally in equality-minded cultures.

Most people aren’t aware of accruing privilege due to their skin color, gender, sexual orientation, class or perceived ability.

Males fit the perfect worker model by default, a kind of privilege. You’re working in a male-privileged environment if you must make sure people see you as a leader as well as a woman – since the two are different – or if people think you’re pushy while a man is assertive or if you have to worry about dressing to seem feminine without inviting harassment. Male leaders build informal work relationships with men, not women. Men gain promotion over women because males are good at office politics and spend time with company leaders – gathering for drinks or lunch or bonding over sports.

“Women and men have different experiences and challenges advancing at work because they are different and organizations were not designed to accommodate this. This is true whether workplaces accept this fact or not.”

Women can’t build relationships the same way, because male peers will see them as too masculine. But being more feminine doesn’t work either. Office politics are often aggressive and competitive – putting individual pursuits over company goals and privileging stereotypical masculinity. Navigating this system is mentally exhausting for women.

Women face multiple invisible barriers to their success that arise due to inequality, patriarchal ideas and privilege.

Six invisible barriers arise in the “achievement phase” at the beginning of women’s careers:

1. “Conditioned expectations” â€“ Older adults condition young women to see higher education as a path to success. They assume that hard work equals success. That’s how school works. Nobody warns women about gender bias; not knowing sets up women to fail.
2. “Matching women to the male standard of success” â€“ Leaders look for the Draper prototype and subconsciously prefer male applicants.
3. “The conformity bind” â€“ Women must conform to imposed gender roles by acting more feminine, but if they do, others don’t see them as leadership material.
4. “The confidence/competence catch-22” â€“ On the one hand, your confidence level convinces people that you are competent. On the other hand, women need to be assertive, but warm – ambitious, not dominant. These contradictory standards damage women’s confidence. Managers should connect women to opportunities that demonstrate their competence.
5. “Performance and pay inequality” â€“ Women often must prove their competence by exceeding expectations. This â€œperformance tax” impedes getting raises and advancing.
6. “The invisible load” â€“ As women progress, they become more aware of gender biases that wear them down. They begin to believe they aren’t good enough. People see men’s successes as being due to ability and men’s failures as bad luck. They view women’s wins as luck and women’s failures as lack of ability. To stop internalizing these barriers, identify them and share your experiences of inequality with other women.

In the middle “endurance phase” of their careers, women must balance work and home.

Although women enter the workforce at about the same rates as men, when you count managers later in their careers, only 39% are women. The middle phase in a woman’s career often demands suffering “enduring inequality” and facing several barriers, including:

• “Negative gender norms” â€“ When your boss makes a gendered joke at your expense, he undermines your colleagues’ respect for you. If you complain, the assumption is that you “can’t take a joke.” These “inequality moments” show up daily with men who want to call attention to women’s lower status. If such events are allowed to continue unchecked, they bake gender inequality into a firm’s culture.
• “Role conflict: manager or mommy?” â€“ Around mid-career, women face the perceived conflict between the “ideal worker” versus the “ideal mother.” Help the parents on your team by understanding and supporting their needs.
• “The part-time penalty” â€“ Many people believe that women work because they want to; in fact, most women have to work. Labor statistics for 2017 show that 70% of women with dependent children hold jobs. Often, mothers find that working part-time is their only option. To show that your firm values equality, embrace the idea that working women and men will most likely become parents.
• “The motherhood tax” â€“ Pregnant women tend to work hard to prove their competence. Moms work even harder to overcome bias that says they won’t work diligently. The Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis found that mothers generally outperform childless women at every career stage and that women with two children have the highest productivity.
• “Carrying the mental and emotional load” â€“ Women who try to be both the ideal mother and the ideal worker feel they’re in a no-win situation. This affects their well-being. When fathers and mothers mutually commit to managing their careers and their home responsibilities, life gets easier for mothers.

Women leaders face invisible barriers in the “contribution phase” of their careers.

Even when women attain a higher status at work and want to give back, they still face specific hidden barricades:

• “Access to quality leadership opportunities” â€“ When women become leaders, gender discrimination multiplies. Companies often set women up to fail by hiring them for challenging roles, such as being named CEO during a period of upheaval or jeopardy. The woman then becomes the scapegoat, which reinforces the incompetence bias. Women have no latitude to fail. Women of color must perform to even higher standards, but people recognize their contributions less. Men can help by grooming women for leadership positions from the start.
• “Stereotypical typecasting” â€“ Calling a woman “sweetheart, girl” or “ice maiden” sets the tone for how co-workers view her.
• “Identity conflict: leading like women” â€“ People judge male leaders by their work, but they judge women by their looks as well as their work. Appearance should not be a measure of a woman’s success. 
• “Backlash: influencing without authority” â€“ When women do well in male-dominated workplaces, they defy gendered expectations. This can draw social penalties, such as isolation, reduced incentives and sexual harassment. Women lead without the presumption of likability or competence given to men. It helps for men to support women leaders.
• “Isolation: in-group favoritism” â€“ Women leaders often feel lonely. Reach out to your colleagues, and show your respect. Help minority workers achieve their career goals.
• “Legitimacy: from token to trophy” â€“ In 2016, the Global Gender Gap Report predicted the gender wage gap would close in 83 years. In 2017, it upped that to 100 years. Inequality won’t solve itself, and quotas and initiatives aren’t making the difference.

Instead of promoting women to fill a quota, work to stop inequality.

“A 2016 study found when women and racial minorities support diversity efforts, their manager and co-workers perceive them as less competent, and they receive lower performance ratings. When white men engage in this same behavior, it leads to high performance ratings.”

Establish company-wide values that set fair expectations. Encourage people to feel safe sharing their unique identities.

Workplace gender equality benefits men as much as women.

Traits that are seen as typically masculine aren’t inherently toxic; being assertive and competitive are valuable traits in many instances. Realize that men tend to wrap their sense of self and value in succeeding at work. Join in conversations about the different ways other people experience your workplace. Become an ally to women and minority colleagues. Speak up against derogatory remarks to reaffirm the standard of equality at work.

“In dangerous situations, men typically try to be brave and emotionally detached, which can encourage men to take unsafe risks or avoid asking for help when they need it.”

When men learn to value women’s careers like their own, they give themselves permission to redefine their success to include their family roles. Men need to be more honest about their family duties and model reasonable work hours.

Commit to equality as part of your company’s culture.

Men often take risky jobs such as firefighting or working on oil rigs. To address stress, management encourages these men to ask for support and to be open about their feelings. This helps workers positively redefine their ideas of masculinity. Managers reward oil rig workers for spotting potentially unsafe practices. On a rig, safety procedures are part of the culture. Leaders are proud of their safety record, learn from their mistakes and link their value to maintaining a safe workplace.

Workplaces can achieve the same success with the value of equality. As a leader, model equal treatment and inclusiveness every day, until they become part of your culture. Mentor women. Raise awareness of how inequality manifests. Encourage team members to share examples of their “inequality journey” as a way to seek solutions together.

“Even if women manage to survive the glass cliff by staying employed or turning things around, their performance is usually not rewarded…Female CEOs are 45% more likely than male CEOs to be dismissed.”

Step in and speak up when you witness inequality. Demonstrate your intent to make the company work better for women, include everyone in the effort to eliminate invisible barriers and reduce resistance to change. Educate workers about different people’s experiences. Incorporate equality goals into your key performance indicators and business practices. Think about your brand message, community activities and supply partners.

Stereotypical images of men and women force everyone to conform.

As automation takes over more work tasks, new industries will emerge and jobs will come to include the use of machines and AI. The leadership skills of the future – soft skills like teaching and collaboration – seem more feminine than the Draper “command-and-control” approach. Studies show women generally adopt a more democratic approach to leadership, while men tend to be more “transactional” in their leadership style. To meet the demands of the future, organizations need to encourage a variety of skills. Equality in the workplace serves everyone’s interests.

About the Author

Netflix director of inclusion Michelle P. King is an internationally renowned expert on gender and organizations. She previously led the UN Women Global Innovation Coalition for Change.

Video & Podcast

No Explanation Required! A Woman’s Guide to Assert Your Confidence and Communicate to Win at Work by Carol Sankar

Recommendation

Women have been left out of leadership opportunities due to stereotyping and their societal conditioning to stay quiet and select service-centered careers such as teaching, nursing or being an assistant. Leadership expert Carol Sankar explains that women limit their potential by over-explaining, over-apologizing and not speaking up about their value. Though she doesn’t address systemic patriarchal issues, Sankar offers concrete examples and helpful talking points as she explains how to communicate assertively and attain the high-level opportunities you deserve.

Take-Aways

• Stereotypes and prejudice keep women from reaching the executive suite.
• Create an alter-ego such as Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce to gain the confidence to speak up.
• Beware of self-limiting communication and adopt a businesslike appearance.
• Focus on gaining respect instead of chasing likability.
• Avoid a passive communication style and stop over-apologizing.
• Respond professionally, not emotionally, to negativity or crisis.
• Don’t over-explain.
• Advocate your value, and create a network that supports your progress to a senior position.

No Explanation Required Book Summary

Stereotypes and prejudice keep women from reaching the executive suite.

When author Carol Sankar was a child, she told a teacher she wanted to become a federal judge. The teacher chastised her for harboring such an unrealistic wish. Sankar changed her answer and said she wanted to be a teacher to avoid further scoldings and persecution from her peers.Society normalizes certain career choices – such as nursing, teaching or being a receptionist or assistant – as women-centered, thus perpetuating the stereotype that a woman’s job is to serve others. The shortage of women in other careers reflects the fear women may feel about asking for opportunities outside the service-oriented norm.

“Women made up only 7.4% of the Fortune 500 in 2020. Only 37 women are represented at the top. â€ (Fortune magazine)

This hesitation to speak up also has its roots in social conditioning that tells women to be nice. The “nice girl” is often passive, compliant, servile and outwardly pleasant. This stereotype boxes women an image of quiet servitude based on norms and expectations that ultimately affect women’s socioeconomic well-being and sustain the gender pay gap.If you don’t speak up and advocate your worth, people will perceive you as someone who does not have valuable input to offer and is uninterested in leadership or unsuited for it.To break away from biased perceptions of females, recondition the nice-girl lessons of your past and retool your approach to communication from passive to assertive. Make your voice heard with these strategies:

• Make sure your company implements a universal policy of supporting all voices â€“ Speak to your manager or to HR.
• Finish your points when speaking â€“ Always keep going if someone interrupts you.
• Stand up â€“ Physically make your presence known.
• Never apologize before you speak â€“ Apologizing suggests a lack of authority and makes you vulnerable to interruptions.
• Be an ally to other women â€“ Help them get their voices heard.
• Don’t over-practice â€“ Be informed and relaxed.

Learning to speak up takes courage and confidence because society often fights women who want to make their voices heard.

Create an alter-ego such as Beyoncé’s Sasha Fierce to gain the confidence to speak up.

Taking on the alter ego of Sasha Fierce allows singer Beyoncé, a leading figure in popular music, to achieve peak confidence without feeling judgment or criticism. Your alter ego, the best version of yourself, can protect you from your insecurities while allowing you to achieve your goals. Projecting an alter ego complete with mind-set, body language and stand-up personality can give you a catalyst for mastering assertive communication. Create your alter ego in four steps:

1. Know your goals â€“ Determine where you want to go in your career and create a list of people your alter ego will network with to help you get there.
2. Mirror the image â€“ To attract leadership opportunities, dress like the ideal, confident women you admire.
3. Build the personality â€“ Act and speak like an executive.
4. Walk the walk â€“ Find the courage to be your alter ego and separate yourself from your insecurities. Highlight your best attributes.

An alter ego makes you free to change how decision-makers and executives perceive you.

Beware of self-limiting communication and adopt a businesslike appearance.

Showing up for a job interview wearing yoga pants and a messy bun tells potential employers that you are unorganized, sloppy and unprofessional. How you present yourself – nonverbally and verbally – will affect how people perceive your abilities and leadership potential.

“You will attract leadership opportunities only if you are perceived as a leader.”

Align your appearance, body language and communication style with those of successful decision-makers. To avoid self-limiting communication:

• Steer clear of phrases like, “I think”, “I want to try” or “I’m new” â€“ That create a perception of inexperience and lack of preparation.
• Don’t say â€œthey are” â€“ Instead, say â€œI am.” Speak in the first person to promote yourself and spotlight your capabilities.
• Stop waiting for someone else to start speaking â€“ Effective leaders make the first move. Start the conversation to show that you can take initiative.

Nonverbal communication is the root of building trust. To increase your credibility:

1. Make eye contact â€“ Keep your head up and look people in the eye when speaking.
2. Control your posture â€“ Don’t slouch or slump. Erect posture can shift your energy and mind-set and make you feel more empowered.
3. Use a power pose â€“ Standing up with your hands on your hips or on the table or throwing your hands up in celebration creates a perception of assertive confidence.
4. Make a great first impression â€“ Dress professionally. Exude leadership from the start.

Positive perceptions build respect in the workforce. When people respect you, the nice girl image and other harmful stereotypes can’t hold you back.

Focus on gaining respect instead of chasing likability.

The author learned a valuable lesson about pursuing likability early in her career. A seemingly good-natured couple outmaneuvered Sankar on a real estate deal by exploiting her desire to be well-liked. They went behind her back, sold the property and cut Sankar out of the profits. Because she focused on being liked, she blindly trusted people who had ill intentions.

Being liked will not further your career, but gaining respect by setting boundaries will. To articulate clear intentions that build other people’s trust in your abilities, take three steps:

1. Maintain a standard for how people address you â€“ Avoid de-individualizing nicknames like “sweetie,” “sis” or “honey.” Tell people how to address you, whether by your first name or surname.
2. Prioritize your day around productivity â€“ Make lists, prioritize emails, create relationships over lunch, be approachable, work quietly and take the lead whenever possible.
3. Reclaim your time â€“ Set a standard of punctuality to make sure others recognize the value of your time. Keep your boundaries non-negotiable.

Implement your boundaries and expectations in a manner that shows people your value and professional capacity in three steps:

1. Make yourself a true asset to your company and generate respect for your work â€“ Decision-makers will take notice for future promotions.
2. Set realistic expectations around your capabilities â€“ Give yourself the space to deliver your highest quality work.
3. Stay in your lane â€“ Focus on what you’re good at and keep developing your expertise.

Avoid a passive communication style and stop over-apologizing.

Sankar worked from home during the pandemic. Her niece and nephew occasionally interrupted her work. When her nephew wanted her attention, he came in and stated, “Excuse me,” and then asked his question directly. When her niece interrupted, she started with, “I’m sorry to bother you, Auntie.”

Women consistently apologize to avoid being judged, to gain acceptance, to show modesty and to get people to like them. However, over-apologizing creates the perception that you are uncertain and indecisive and, therefore, not executive material. Break the apology habit in three critical steps:

1. Recognize the routine centered around the apology â€“ Notice your habits and catch yourself before you apologize.
2. Identify what is driving you to say, “I’m sorry” â€“ Are you feeling overwhelmed or ignored? Consider whether apologizing achieves the reward you seek.
3. Isolate the cue â€“ Write down the triggers that make you feel you should apologize, and address them.

Replace apologizing with two new habits:

1. Emotional freedom technique (EFT)/tapping â€“ Repeat affirmations such as, “There is nothing to apologize for” while tapping meridian points on the body. Challenge your anxious urge to impulsively apologize.
2. Use the “great gratitude response” â€“ Shift from “I’m sorry” to “Thank you.” Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for being late,” say, â€œThank you for waiting for me.”

Avoid using passive prepositions. Saying â€œbecause” splits your decision from your explanation and leaves you susceptible to people pushing you around. If you offer no overt explanation, you leave no room for further discussion or argument.Use such prepositions only to create value or provide evidence to support what you’re asking for during an opportunity-oriented conversation. Determine if the information that follows the word “because” adds value to your work or highlights an insecurity.

Respond professionally, not emotionally, to negativity or crisis.

Have you interacted with a negative, angry or difficult person at work and found yourself mirroring their volatile energy? You can’t control the chain of people who may connect you to executive success; however, you can control your reactions to those who are negative or dismissive. Respond to them in ways that highlight your self-control and leadership qualities. Apply these four tactics:

1. Recognize your triggers â€“ Understand the personal issues that may cause you to react impulsively.
2. Always pause before responding â€“ Allow yourself time to process anxiety or anger before speaking. Control your tone and language.
3. Avoid passive-aggressive or patronizing responses â€“ Don’t use phrases such as, â€œPer my last email.”
4. Think long term â€“ Analyze the cost and benefit of any response in terms of your long-range goals.

Respond to challenging situations effectively in four steps:

1. Don’t rush â€“ Craft your words and redact any emotional language.
2. Remain on topic â€“ This helps you avoid unforeseen triggers.
3. Avoid passive language â€“ Don’t apologize, minimize yourself or let an aggressor affect your tone.
4. Use silence â€“ Not every post, email or negative comment needs a response. Silence empowers you and shows others they cannot provoke you. 

Offering a minimal, thoughtful response helps you break the habit of saying too much and undermining your message.

Don’t over-explain.

Mary is about to leave work when her manager asks if she would like to join her co-workers for drinks. Feeling guilty about not wanting to participate, Mary launches into an elaborate explanation about needing to get home and cook. Over-sharing makes her decision seem optional, undermines her confidence, and leaves room for her manager to dictate changes in her decision and her behavior.

“Over-explaining is a form of apologizing. We over-explain everything while undervaluing our contributions as leaders.”

Drop this unnecessary narrative and keep your responses short and simple. To that end, use concise language. When you keep any explanations brief, others will perceive you as a confident, productive leader. Have faith in your abilities; saying yes or no is sufficient.

Advocate your value, and create a network that supports your progress to a senior position.

A bakery whose cake appeared in a list of “Oprah’s Favorite Things” 10 years ago still uses that clout to advertise its cakes because bragging about your accomplishments leads to more opportunities and promotions.

“Bragging is an effective tool to ensure decision-makers are aware of who contributes exceptional value and exemplifies leadership potential.”

Effective bragging enables you to:

1. Highlight your achievements â€“ Present relevant examples of your great work, not as a competitive tool, but as pertinent evidence to gain the opportunities you deserve.
2. Share your good reviews â€“ Showcase that others think well of you.
3. Make your accomplishments last for your entire career â€“ Their value is always relevant.
4. Use the merits you bring to the company as a bargaining tool â€“ Your achievements help you climb the corporate ladder.
5. Speak up consistently â€“ You want the promotion gatekeepers to take notice.

Never wait for an invitation for a promotion or opportunity. You are no longer the helpless princess trapped in the proverbial tower of gender stereotypes. Use your new assertive communication tools to find your voice and empower your journey into the executive-level job you deserve.

About the Author

Carol Sankar founded The Confidence Factor for Women in Leadership. An R&D advisor and an investor, she trains women in negotiation and writes and speaks on leadership.

Video & Podcast

Dare to Lead Like a Girl, How to Survive and Thrive in the Corporate Jungle by Dalia Feldheim

Recommendation

Leadership consultant Dalia Feldheim offers a fresh, well-researched consideration of groundbreaking leadership methods that incorporate what she defines as “feminine qualities:” Empathy, self-care, work-life balance and gratitude. Using examples from her own experience and those of other women, Feldheim demonstrates how “leading like a girl” can build success, respect and a healthier work environment. She offers her “5P model” of leadership – purpose, power up, perspective, people and positivity â€“ which you can use to cultivate productivity, employee engagement and better relationships, and to become an inspiring, empathetic boss.

Take-Aways

• Women leaders should use an empathetic, feminine approach based on the “5P model” of leadership: “Purpose, power up, perspective, people and positivity.”
• Purpose – Find what motivates you, and set your goals.
• Power up – Manage your energy through self-care.
• Perspective – Break out of limited behavior patterns to embrace adversity with confidence.
• People – Cultivate healthy relationships with others and yourself.
• Positivity – Lead with emotional intelligence and gratitude.

Dare to Lead Like a Girl Book Summary

Women leaders should use an empathetic, feminine approach based on the “5P model” of leadership: “Purpose, power up, perspective, people and positivity.”

Obsolete notions about gender still cause many people to assume automatically that leaders should act assertively and impersonally. They believe effective leadership means embodying such traits, which are typically labeled as masculine qualities. This is not surprising, because historically most leaders have been men, and many of them have taken an emotionally cold approach to leadership. 

The value that society places on the boss with the “iron fist” has led to a workplace crisis. Employees are unhappy when their supervisors fail to treat them as individual human beings. Such resentment has led to an increase in harassment, bullying and toxic work environments. 

The time has come to re-evaluate which qualities make sound leaders and to appreciate leadership traits that people more often associate with feminity. 

Sadly, many people view the qualities typically associated with women – such as empathy, compassion and warmth â€“ as unfit or even inappropriate for leaders. However, a 2019 Harvard Business Review article reported that women who lead with these attributes outperformed men as more effective, top-rated bosses.

“Leading like a girl is leading from the head and the heart – leading with compassion.”

Workplace culture would improve if more leaders shifted to a compassionate, empathetic management style. To improve your impact as a boss, your work-life balance and your sense of empowerment as a leader, follow the 5P model of female leadership:

Purpose – Find what motivates you, and set your goals.

While working as a brand manager for Proctor & Gamble in Israel, Dalia Feldheim found her purpose: empowering women. Feldheim was working on a specific sales goal: Increase P&G’s sales of feminine products to young women. She started with women who were serving in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). As a former IDF platoon commander, Feldman empathized with women soldiers about shared female concerns, such as having nowhere to keep their sanitary products dry.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” (Frederick Nietzsche)

Feldheim’s compassion for young female soldiers and her desire to empower them led her to create P&G hygiene packs, which included a dry compartment for period-related products. The packs were a huge hit and secured P&G’s majority market share in Israel. 

To find your purpose and boost your potential for success:

1. Consider your history â€“ Write out your past accomplishments and life-changing lessons.
2. Search for deeper meaning in your stories â€“ Consider why certain events feel important and why their lessons resonate.
3. Identify repeating themes â€“ For example, do you often find yourself trying to protect others or to bring various communities together?
4. Write a first draft of your purpose statement â€“ You might write, for example, that your purpose is to connect people to one another so everyone can benefit from being part of a stronger community.
5. Write down your strengths â€“ What are you good at?
6. Write down your passions â€“ What draws you naturally, without any external motivation?
7. Ask yourself what your community needs â€“ What do you want to change in the world around you?
8. Find connections â€“ Can you use your strengths to address issues that matter to you? What can you uniquely offer?
9. Rewrite your purpose statement â€“ Update it to fit your strengths and desires.
10. Ask friends for input â€“ What do those around think of your intended purpose statement?

Use your purpose as the primary motivating force for defining your goals. According to the Harvard Business Review, women leaders achieve their goals with a greater success rate than men because they have a greater capacity for self-reflection when they’re part of a team and less concern about potential failure. Keep those qualities in mind as you take six steps to identify and articulate your goals:

1. Ask what you want to do â€“ Avoid listing activities because you think others expect you to do them.
2. Identify goals that align with your strengths and passions â€“ Draw from your desires, not someone else’s projections.
3. Create a vision board â€“ Use clippings from magazines and downloaded photos to make a collage showing where you want to go.
4. Self-reflect â€“ Be honest with yourself as you consider which areas of your life need improvement. 
5. Write down your top three goals â€“ Make sure they are specific, sustainable and within your abilities.
6. Start with baby steps â€“ For example, if your goal is to go to the gym more often, start going at least twice a week.

You can’t achieve your dreams if stress overwhelms you. Carve out time for yourself and for self-care.

Powering up – Manage your energy through self-care.

To meet your goals, prioritize attaining a healthy work-life balance. You can’t have empathy, a relaxed mind, focused drive or the inspiration to be a great leader if you’re cranky, tired or stressed. 

Working women, who also take on the majority of child care and housework, need a healthy work-life balance to survive and thrive. Sadly, most don’t value that balance until they face a crisis, such as illness or burnout. Feldheim understands; she became pre-diabetic and developed other symptoms that she attributes to excess stress and a lack of rest.

“If you manage how and where you direct your energy, you’ll lead a healthy lifestyle.”

Take time to slow down and prioritize caring for your body and your health. Find your inner, healthy and happy leader in six steps:

1. Breathe â€“ Meditation through breath work activates and balances your nervous system.
2. Watch what you eat â€“ Aim for a balanced diet. Cook with quality ingredients. Stay hydrated.
3. Touch â€“ Physical contact, like hugs or massage, reduce pain and discomfort and release positive brain chemicals such as serotonin.
4. Recover â€“ Sleep at least eight hours every night and take restful breaks throughout the day.
5. Exercise â€“ Movement improves your mood, immune system, memory and connection to your body.
6. Take time to do nothing â€“ Work on feeling present in the moment. A present mind can reduce stress, regulate emotions, increase focus and release trapped creativity. Let your mind wander to gain new insights and develop the mental strength to face any difficulty.

Perspective – Break out of limited behavior patterns to embrace adversity with confidence.

Some people fear they don’t measure up to other people’s opinions, some fear failing and some feel they don’t deserve any form of success. These irrational beliefs can stem from difficult experiences and often cause negative repercussions in people’s choices or relationships. Face your fears now, therapists advise, so they don’t hold you back. This will help you grow from past traumas.

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine.” (Marianne Williamson)

Dalia Feldheim overcame her fear of failure by taking a deep dive into her upbringing. She discovered that her parents’ constant praise made her believe that any negative feedback was a sign of failure. She noticed, however, that avoiding criticism impeded her progress and career growth. Releasing that fear allowed her to grow as a person and as a leader.

You can identify and overcome self-limiting beliefs in five steps:

1. Delve into your past to uncover the â€œactivating event” or events that caused you pain or discomfort as a child. That may be the source of your fear.
2. Identify what irrational belief your mind has created, supposedly to help you avoid similar pain in the future.
3. Step back, and take an unemotional look at your life. Ask if this belief has affected you negatively and if it could have an impact on your future.
4. Challenge the validity of your beliefs, and determine if they are reality-based.
5. Create new “empowering beliefs,” and imagine new thoughts that will serve you better. For example, try out the idea that failure means you’re learning and growing.

Facing adversity requires mental fortitude, but with this fresh perspective about your fears, you can step into challenging situations with confidence. When you face a new challenge, settle yourself so you feel calm and centered. Separate yourself from a stressful situation to view it objectively and avoid succumbing to anxiety.

Maintain your healthy routines so you have the energy to deal with difficulties. Don’t keep tough issues to yourself. Ask for advice from your support system of trusted friends, family or colleagues. Play to your strengths. Ask yourself: What do I do well that could help address a pressing problem?

Don’t shy away from difficult conversations. Every conflict holds opportunities for growth. Enter every conversation with the goal of working with the other person to find a solution that benefits everyone. Listen before you speak; validate other participants’ reality and focus on understanding their needs. The people who challenge you may present obstacles at first, but if you can establish a sense of mutual cooperation and work with them to achieve goals you share, they can become useful allies.

People – Cultivate healthy relationships with others and yourself.

Prioritize your relationship with yourself. You can’t inspire joy in others without making yourself happy first. As Professor Adam Grant wrote in his book Give and Take, leaders must give and take to succeed. Those who can enjoy giving and can take without guilt – balancing self-love and selflessness equally – build the most positive, effective work environments. 

“When you are caught in emotion, your message is simply less effective.”

Cultivating healthy relationships with your peers, partner and family means loving yourself and valuing your independence. Being a good partner and parent while having a career requires this balance. You can’t have everything, so set more holistic, long-range goals, and redefine how you think of success:

1. Don’t aim for perfection â€“ Learn to accept things as good enough.
2. Schedule quality time â€“ Set aside time to be alone and time with your family.
3. Ask for help â€“ Say what you need.
4. Speak up at work â€“ Advocate for work-life balance for yourself and others.
5. Don’t miss moments that count â€“ Be there for your kid’s school play or your partner’s birthday.

Leaders who embody feminine qualities, such as listening to their body’s needs, making time for family and striving for healthy, balanced relationships at home and work have greater success in their endeavors. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, women led seven out of the nine countries that were rated for handling the crisis best. They listened to experts instead of claiming to possess knowledge they didn’t have, spoke honestly to their constituents, exhibited empathy to those who struggled and explained their decisions clearly. 

These female leaders inspired others because they made their people feel heard. As a leader, listen to your employees’ needs and respond with support and respect. Create a workplace in which your employees feel understood and know they are safe to express their concerns. 

Positivity – Lead with emotional intelligence and gratitude.

Creating a positive workplace requires using emotional intelligence to allow space for all kinds of feelings and to give others permission to be fully human as well. In The Emotionally Intelligent Workplace, Daniel Goleman reports that emotional intelligence (EQ) contributes 85% more to a leader’s success than cognitive intelligence contributes.

Prioritize your EQ and create positivity when you deal with your emotions and others people’s feelings. Take five steps:

1. Accept your emotional responses, and don’t suppress or limit them.
2. Pause and create a space to think before reacting.
3. Empathize to understand other people’s perspectives.
4. Reframe your emotions positively. Recognize your passion within your anger.
5. Always maintain and respect your and other people’s personal boundaries.

Expressing gratitude, another aspect of inspiring positivity, improves everyone’s well-being. Cultivate gratitude by finding three things you feel grateful for each day, sharing your appreciation with others, looking for silver linings even in painful experiences, using positive feedback and celebrating accomplishments.

Gratitude makes you feel more satisfied and accomplished. Its infectious nature spreads optimism, boosts productivity and gives you more resilience at work and at home.

About the Author

Former top-level global marketing executive at P&G, Dalia Feldheim is the CEO and founder of Flow Leadership Consultancy.

Video & Podcast

Show Your Worth, 8 Intentional Strategies for Women to Emerge as Leaders at Work by Shelmina Abji

Recommendation

Women face disadvantages in the workplace, but as more women attain leadership positions, they make the road a little easier for those who come after them. Shelmina Babai Abji – a woman of color, an immigrant and a single mother – rose from poverty in Tanzania to become vice president at IBM. Her message to women: You can succeed as a leader, achieve your personal and professional goals, and help dismantle stereotypes and biases. Abji provides specific steps for attaining a leadership role with an insider’s savvy – along with loads of empathic encouragement, especially for women and minorities.

Take-Aways

• Don’t underestimate your ability to become a leader within your workplace.
• Define what success means to you.
• Mindfully allocate your attention to gain maximum returns.
• Find work-life balance.
• Create maximal value in everything you do.
• Grow daily and continuously by going outside your comfort zone.
• Build deep, meaningful relationships to support your success and fulfillment.
• Create your leadership brand.
• When you become a leader, elevate other women.

Show Your Worth Book Summary

Don’t underestimate your ability to become a leader within your workplace.

Women face gender biases in the workplace that can undermine their confidence in themselves as aspiring leaders. You can challenge and overcome stereotypes and biases and help dismantle them. Your motivation to learn about leadership means you have the essential skills for leadership: You recognize your potential and are acting to build on it. You can learn everything else.

“Leaders are not born; instead, they grow out of a lifetime of experiences.” (former IBM senior vice president Rodney Adkins)

Shelmina Babai Abji, a woman of color, rose to the role of vice president at IBM, despite coming from an impoverished family in Tanzania and becoming a single mother at the start of her professional career. For Abji, the power of strategy and intention enabled her to progress as a leader. Applying strategic intention to all aspects of your professional life enables you to reach your goals. Take responsibility for your success, and keep learning, even when you experience setbacks. Never give up your dream of becoming a leader.

Define what success means to you.

You are responsible for your success, so start by defining what success means to you. Get other people’s perspectives, but make the final decision yourself. Only you understand your dreams. Ask yourself what you would be proud to accomplish. Make sure your definition of success aligns with your core values. Aim high, and set professional and personal goals for yourself that will make you grow.

“Aim high… You’ll never know your capabilities until you test them.”

Know the “why” behind your desire to become a leader. Is it to provide for your family? To give your children a different life from what your own? To become a role model for other women? Knowing why you pursue this goal inspires your drive and perseverance. A checklist of things you want to accomplish won’t bring you success unless they align with your “why.”

For Abji, success first meant graduating from college, so she could raise her family from poverty. When she had a degree and a job, her definition of success became home-ownership, and her “why” was so her daughter could play in the backyard. Abji continually raised her definition of success – to become a sales leader and, later, an executive – to provide for her family.

Mindfully allocate your attention to gain maximum returns.

Your attention is your most valuable asset; invest it every day to gain maximum returns. Ask whether any demand on your time is worthy of your attention. Focus on activities that offer returns for you and your organization. You won’t please everyone – but you will gain respect. You can and must learn to say no to protect your attention, keeping it available for the things you feel are worthy. Keep your priorities at the fore; stop being merely busy and become productive. Take time to recharge, so you can stay energized and maintain your productivity.

“You teach others to respect your time when you respect your time yourself.”

Abji learned the importance of prioritizing when she started as a sales representative at IBM. At first, she placed more than 50 deals on her to-do list and started working to win all of them. She was putting in 45 hours a week, but not making progress. When she asked her boss for help achieving her goals, he advised her to choose a few deals to work on – the ones most likely to contribute to her goals were those worthy of her attention. Abji started to make progress and felt excited and more in control.

Create a “Personal Success Plan”: a list of your priorities to guide how you structure your days, help you stay focused on what matters and support your work-life balance. For each of your priorities, list specific tasks and schedule them on your calendar. Schedule other tasks around them, including, for example, email, research and necessary business activities.

Find work-life balance.

You can thrive in both your work and your life outside work – even though you only have a limited amount of energy and attention â€“ by applying intention to creating balance. Achieving balance will help you keep your stress and risk of burnout low and will boost your work productivity and engagement. To find that balance, prioritize your career and your personal life so neither takes over the other.

Abji became a single mother to two toddlers just after she received a promotion to sales leader. She felt exhausted, had difficulty paying attention at work and became short-tempered with her children. Abji had already decided to step down from her leadership position when she had a tearful breakthrough one night. She realized she could choose a more empowering way to respond to the situation.

“Having a successful work-life balance doesn’t mean having a perfect formula figured out; it means to practice the arts of fluidity, adaptability and acceptance.”

For Abji, writing down work-life balance as part of her definition of success made all the difference. Then, she applied the principles of attention to her personal life. She made it a priority to enjoy spending time with her children, and got out of the “task trap,” in which you do tasks endlessly and lose alignment with your priorities and progress. By prioritizing and structuring her time at home as she did at work – along with making healthy choices and adding helpful morning rituals â€“ Abji regained energy, presence and calm. Find balance by believing you can achieve it, nurturing your well-being, always treating challenges as learning opportunities and setting boundaries.

Create maximal value in everything you do.

Approach every interaction as an opportunity to create value, and set an intention to maximize that value. Doing so demonstrates your value to your organization, its stakeholders and to yourself. Stop underestimating your worth. Internalize that you have competence and valuable things to say. This mind-set helps women and minorities who face stereotyping and biases resist intimidation and negative projections and perform at maximum capacity. When these individuals succeed, they help dismantle those stereotypes and biases.

“You can’t belittle yourself to greatness.”

Your ideas can make a difference, even if you don’t yet believe that. Set your fears and doubts aside, and speak up. As you contribute at a higher level, raise your profile within the organization to reap rewards. You have the power to disregard the inner chatter that undermines you and choose to act in an empowering way. This is your “Power Quotient,” which you can exercise at any time to gain power over limiting messages – even those that come from within you – and respond in ways that create value. Women often must overcome past programming that tells them to stay quiet and conform. Rewrite your programming as if debugging a computer.

Grow daily and continuously by going outside your comfort zone.

Set the intention to grow at your maximum capacity via each interaction and experience. Your growth will open new potential situations. Be willing to go outside your comfort zone. For Abji, this meant moving from her familiar hardware sales role into a completely new area: IBM’s fast-growing services business. When she started, Abji couldn’t understand her colleagues’ acronym-filled conversations and felt certain she would fail. But instead of giving up, she applied her Power Quotient, changed her thoughts and reassured herself that her discomfort meant she was growing. Have patience with yourself; take time to learn and ask for help. You can succeed in ways you hadn’t imagined and your confidence will soar.

“Growth and comfort do not coexist.” (former IBM CEO and chair Ginni Rometty)

When you encounter setbacks, put them in the context of your overall growth and remind yourself that they are temporary, and that you can learn from them. Never think of yourself as a failure, and never give up. A defeatist attitude saps your energy and can destroy your hopes for the future. Allow setbacks to build your resilience. Celebrate your successes and aim for new opportunities to push the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Build deep, meaningful relationships to support your success and fulfillment.

Your career success hinges on relationships – particularly with your boss, mentors, sponsors and peers. Your relationship with your immediate superior is the most important in your career. Be proactive – don’t depend on your boss to build the relationship. Don’t expect perfection from your boss; look for her or his strengths. How you think about your boss affects your relationship; change any negative mental model of him or her to a positive one.

A mentor can have a significant, positive effect on your career by advising, inspiring, assisting, supporting and guiding you. Even a brief mentorship can make a profound difference: Abji spent only an hour with IBM CMO Jon Iwata prior to a crucial presentation, learning important strategies for the upcoming meeting. Her successful presentation led to the IBM-Microsoft alliance and meant Abji got to keep her job. Treat these important relationships with the respect they deserve.

“Your relationship with yourself will determine the quality of all your other relationships.”

A sponsor will typically hold a position two levels above your own. Your sponsor will serve as your advocate, assisting you in gaining a promotion, moving into a new role or securing a significant assignment. For women, the need for – and difficulty of obtaining – a sponsor is often a primary obstacle to their attaining high corporate positions. Creating a sponsor relationship takes time, so start building ties well before you need that person’s assistance.

Your relationships with your peers support daily collaboration and can increase your enjoyment at work. Remember that someone who is your peer today could become your boss, mentor or sponsor in the future. No one succeeds alone, so nurture your peer relationships with intention. Maintain your integrity, build trust and apply intention to making your relationships deep and meaningful.

Create your leadership brand.

Your personal brand reflects how people think of you and affects how people will engage with, support, invest in, hire and recognize you. Creating your brand doesn’t mean manipulating how people think of you. It means becoming who you want to be and developing the self-awareness necessary to ensure the impressions you make align with that identity. Your brand can and should reflect your individual, authentic personal qualities. These characteristics will set you apart amid the fierce competition for leadership roles.

“It is only when you know your worth that you can show your worth.”

Be deliberate about developing your leadership brand. Find opportunities to demonstrate your leadership attributes and add them to your brand. Be consistent and vigilant in shaping and protecting your brand. Take care not to slip up when you feel out of sorts. Doing so might undermine your brand by creating a negative impression.

When you become a leader, elevate other women.

When you become a leader, you can and should help other women advance their careers, too. You will not only provide them with help, but enjoy feelings of success, gratitude and appreciation.

“Leadership is a responsibility, a gift and an opportunity that can create a rippling impact you’ll never be able to measure, as it can last generations.”

Serve as a role model; other women will see what you accomplish and know they can aim high, too. And people will see you as a representative of those who look like you. Shine under pressure to reflect well on others. Give women opportunities and ease their way as they follow you.

About the Author

Former vice president of IBM’s Global Microsoft Alliance Shelmina Babai Abji is a motivational speaker and angel investor.

Video & Podcast

Recommendation

Eleanor Roosevelt led a life of public service and private struggle, a testimony to the power of purpose and perseverance. The niece of US president Theodore Roosevelt, she was orphaned at an early age, then studied abroad before marrying her fifth cousin, future US president Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was unfaithful to her, and she sought love from others, but their personal and political partnership endured. As first lady, Eleanor condemned racial discrimination and other social injustices. She went on to guide the United Nations toward its adoption of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Take-Aways

• Eleanor Roosevelt was an orphan from an affluent family. Her relatives nicknamed her “Granny” because she was such a serious child.
• After studying abroad, Eleanor married her fifth cousin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
• Eleanor bore six children and became more active in public service and politics after FDR’s unfaithfulness in 1918.
• Eleanor actively assisted FDR’s run for vice president in 1920, and helped him in politics and public life throughout his career.
• As FDR rose to the presidency, Eleanor emerged as a public figure promoting peace, racial justice and the welfare of women.
• A defender of the downtrodden, Eleanor helped guide the UN to adopt the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Eleanor Book Summary

Eleanor Roosevelt was an orphan from an affluent family. Her relatives nicknamed her “Granny” because she was such a serious child.

Eleanor Roosevelt was born in New York City on October 11, 1884. By then, the marriage of her parents Elliott Roosevelt and Anna Hall Roosevelt was unraveling. Her father was the elder brother of Theodore Roosevelt, Eleanor’s “Uncle Ted,” the 26th US president. The Roosevelts lived in New York and shared a family fortune.

Eleanor was an unusually serious girl with a grave manner, which her mother repeatedly mocked, frequently “in front of company.” Eleanor was happy when she was near her beloved father, and did more than her mother to help him cope with his alcoholism. In 1891, Elliott’s drunken binges led his sister, Bamie, to initiate steps to declare him legally insane, drawing embarrassing newspaper coverage. Eleanor lost contact with her father as her mother threatened divorce and demanded a trial separation. Eleanor blamed Anna for her father’s exile. When she died of diphtheria in 1892, Eleanor, age 8, “shed no tears.” Left with her maternal grandmother, she hoped for more time with her father, but he died in a fall three years later.

After studying abroad, Eleanor married her fifth cousin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Eleanor danced with her fifth cousin Franklin Delano Roosevelt at an 1899 New Year’s Eve party. That year, Grandmother Hall sent her to Allenswood, a southwestern London boarding school. Headmistress Marie Souvestre required her girls to speak French all day, but Eleanor soon felt welcome. When Mademoiselle Souvestre selected groups of girls to spend time after lunch and dinner discussing their ideas with her, she often chose Eleanor. She recalled these as the happiest days of her early life. She regarded Mademoiselle as a great influence, second only to her father. 

“When Mademoiselle had important guests to dinner – illustrious literary or artistic figures, as well as one or two Prime Ministers of England and France’ whom she sat on either side of herself – Eleanor had no trouble contributing from her place opposite the adults.”

In 1901, Eleanor learned terrible truths about her late father. She’d believed he had died in Virginia. In fact, he was at his mistress’s Manhattan apartment, gobbling drugs and “guzzling alcohol” before his suicidal leap from a window. Eleanor learned she had a half-brother, Elliott Roosevelt Mann. His mother, housemaid Katie Mann, took a blackmail payoff from the Roosevelts after threatening to disclose little Elliott’s paternity. After Uncle Ted won the 1904 presidential election, Eleanor and FDR appeared as a couple for the first time at the inaugural ball. They wed March 17, 1905. The people closest to FDR said his emotional interior was impossible to discern, and Eleanor gradually accepted his routine refusal to discuss his feelings. She rated honeymoon sex as “less than pleasant,” but by her 21st birthday she was three months’ pregnant. 

Eleanor bore six children and became more active in public service and politics after FDR’s unfaithfulness in 1918.

By 1916, Eleanor would give birth to six children, with one dying in infancy. After each birth, a grim mood gripped her, not the joy she believed a mother should feel. FDR dazzled the children with “the illusion of the personal,” leaving Eleanor to raise them. Like Uncle Ted, FDR launched his political career in the New York legislature. Eleanor’s “need to be needed” led her to manage their home “as an extension of Franklin’s senate seat.” In 1912, FDR won re-election, but Uncle Ted lost his third-party presidential bid. FDR became assistant secretary of the US Navy under Woodrow Wilson.

“When she did think about Washington, it worried her that she didn’t know a soul.’ She was afraid of [making] all kinds of stupid mistakes’.”

In 1913, Lucy Mercer, 23, became Eleanor’s social secretary. Jealous because FDR found her attractive, Eleanor fired her in 1917. Five days later, Mercer began working with him at the Navy. 

After the United States entered World War I in April 1917, Eleanor led a knitting service for the Navy Red Cross that delivered nearly 9,000 articles of clothing to support the war effort. These voluntary activities exposed “her natural capacity for organization.” She earned additional respect as a Red Cross canteen captain.

Eleanor found Mercer’s love letters to FDR in his suitcase after he returned, ailing, from a trip abroad. If Eleanor had exposed their relationship, the secretary of the Navy would have fired him, and the scandal would have ended his political career. His dominating mother, Sara Delano Roosevelt, intervened to keep Eleanor from divorcing FDR. “Mama” warned FDR that he would inherit none of her wealth if his marriage ended. Eleanor insisted that FDR demonstrate his desire for her as his life partner, even a platonic one. They stayed together, but slept in separate rooms.

After the war, the American Red Cross asked Eleanor to inspect a government-operated psychiatric hospital which had a Navy ward for soldiers and sailors suffering from shell shock, now identified as PTSD. Her reports that underfed patients often attacked each other in the unsanitary, overcrowded and poorly staffed facility led Congress to increase funding for the hospital.

Eleanor actively assisted FDR’s run for vice president in 1920, and helped him in politics and public life throughout his career.

In June 1920, FDR attended the fractious Democratic National Convention to support Governor Alfred E. Smith as the presidential nominee. Delegates settled on the Ohio governor, James Cox, who chose FDR as his vice president, putting what one newspaper called “a honey of a name” on the ballot. Eleanor campaigned visibly, and gave an interview supporting the League of Nations as a way to avoid wars and sustain peace. However, Cox and FDR lost badly to Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge. Roosevelt emerged as a likely 1924 presidential candidate, but in 1921, polio paralyzed his legs and nearly derailed his career. Eleanor worked with his chief adviser Louis Howe to convince reporters that FDR was recovering from a nasty cold. They eventually told the public that FDR had previously been a “formerly suffered” polio.

“Gradually, they built their partnership around independent versions of themselves.”

Eleanor befriended Nancy Cook, assistant to the director of the Women’s Division of the New York State Democratic Party, and her life partner, Marion Dickerman. They traveled together statewide urging women to vote for Smith, who won re-election as governor.

In 1924, FDR found therapeutic relief at a resort in Warm Springs, Georgia, where he regained feeling in his toes after he started “walking” in a pool of warm water from the mineral springs. He eventually spent $200,000, some two-thirds of his wealth, to buy the resort.

As FDR rose to the presidency, Eleanor emerged as a public figure promoting peace, racial justice and the welfare of women.

Woodrow Wilson’s endless effort to create a “universal organization” to prevent wars shaped Eleanor’s quest for peace and human rights. Enjoying the great regard of women activists, Eleanor gave frequent speeches. She urged women to advocate for US participation in the World Court as she entered the third phase of her evolving public identity – from president’s niece to the wife of a Naval administrator and political figure to being a politician “in her own right.”

At the 1928 Democratic National Convention, FDR nominated Al Smith as president. FDR had learned to move with leg braces and a cane despite his paralyzed legs. Some delegates wept as he rose with a big smile and lumbered to the podium on the arm of his son Elliott. His thunderous speech “shook the walls and the roof.” The Smith campaign assigned Eleanor to turn out women voters against the Republican nominee, secretary of commerce Herbert Hoover. Roosevelt won his race to be governor of New York by a hair, and Eleanor got credit for his victory. After Hoover defeated Smith, FDR became the likely 1932 Democratic presidential nominee.

Democrats nominated him, and he won, taking office in March, 1933. In his first scripted statement as victor, he thanked Howe but did not mention Eleanor, who held her own press conference. 

In 1933, Eleanor pushed to open emergency relief camps for women, and gained a reputation as a “friend to jobless women.”As first lady, she worked on affordable housing for poor and older people. Associated Press reporter Lorena Hickok became Eleanor’s friend and occasional travel companion. Eleanor developed a “grand passion” for “Hick.” They were close, but gradually came to spend less time together. 

Eleanor tried to raise awareness of “domestic violence and malnutrition,” among other conditions of poverty.  She drew both praise and notoriety by writing a national newspaper column, “My Day.” Unlike any previous first lady, Eleanor frequently traveled to assess social problems and inform FDR and his administration about the plight of people like Black Americans and tenant farmers. President Roosevelt denied her pleas to support desegregation, anti-lynching laws and reforms to fix discriminatory New Deal relief programs. He didn’t want to upset the white supremacists who controlled much of Congress.

“Eleanor’s bewilderment at her husband’s abandonment of basic American rights and freedoms took the form of private objection.”

As FDR campaigned for a second term, critics accused Eleanor of marital neglect, misuse of tax money, mental instability, support of communists and plans to remarry. Undeterred, voters in 46 of the 48 states chose FDR over Kansas governor Alf Landon. As FDR’s second term began, the public saw Eleanor as an “urban liberal Democrat.” 

She spoke in 1938 at the Southern Conference for Human Welfare in Birmingham, Alabama. A local law required Blacks and whites to sit apart, so she sat in the section reserved for Blacks. When police told her to move, she put her chair in the center aisle. The conference condemned Jim Crow laws and decided to never hold conferences in segregated cities. Eleanor’s inspections of Washington’s public welfare institutions and jails revealed horrors. In one jail, she caught â€œa certain odor” in the mess hall, and found an electric chair used for executions concealed under a tarp next to a table where inmates ate.

A defender of the downtrodden, Eleanor helped guide the UN to adopt the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

In May 1940, the German military launched “total war in Western Europe.” The war revived FDR’s appeal, and he carried all but 10 states in the election that year, becoming the first US president to win three terms. A year later, Japanese forces attacked Pearl Harbor. The next night, 30 Japanese warplanes flew over San Francisco, but dropped no bombs. 

“The same startled recognition began to repeat in other places, as people meeting her found themselves astonished that the Eleanor before them was far more lovely than the homely Mrs. Roosevelt of pictures.”

Eleanor spoke against the ensuing rise in racial hatred directed against citizens of Japanese ancestry. But in February 1942, FDR ordered West Coast authorities to remove people of Japanese descent from their towns, freeze their bank accounts and incarcerate them in “relocation centers.” Eleanor was shocked, especially since no Japanese invasion or spying case materialized. The issue left “a lasting wedge between them.” 

As his fourth term began, FDR felt weak and went to Warm Springs to recover. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage there on April 12, 1945. When Eleanor flew in, she found out that Lucy Mercer had been with FDR for the last three days of his life. Eleanor spent five minutes in the room alone with FDR’s body before emerging “dry-eyed.”

The new president, Harry Truman, asked Eleanor to serve at the first meeting of the United Nations General Assembly. She led a committee to assist World War II refugees. The General Assembly agreed to investigate their plight, and headlines hailed the victory of “Mrs. FDR.”

Dr. David Gurewitsch, handsome and 18 years younger, became Eleanor’s personal physician after they met in 1940. After the war, they shared a fogged-in layover for several days in Ireland en route to UN business in Geneva. He remained her friend, traveling companion, confidant and later – along with his wife – her eventual housemate for the rest of Eleanor’s life.

Truman said he would accept her as his 1948 running mate, but Eleanor repeatedly refused to seek office. Now she felt “free to speak her mind” to her newspaper readers. She condemned Wisconsin senator Joe McCarthy, comparing his witch hunt for communists to “a gestapo in our midst.” In Paris with the US delegation to the 1948 UN General Assembly, Eleanor delivered a speech in French, advocating human rights and attacking Soviet abuses. Moments after the UN adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, every delegate shared in a standing ovation for Eleanor, an unprecedented acclamation for the “world’s foremost champion of human rights.” 

The day she turned 75, Eleanor began hosting Prospects of Mankind, a public TV program. Her guests included John F. Kennedy, Adlai Stevenson, Nelson Rockefeller and Henry Kissinger. She proposed that the Democrats nominate Stevenson for president and Kennedy for vice president, though she criticized what she saw as JFK’s lack of authenticity. Kennedy won the party’s nomination on July 13, 1960, and “converted” Eleanor’s opinion. She campaigned for him nationwide. After his election, JFK named her chair of the President’s Commission on the Status of Women. Under her leadership, the commission identified equal-pay complaints and other issues that became â€œthe agenda of the women’s movement.”

“Between sunrise and sunset…she wanted to put the whole world right.”

After contracting an untreatable form of tuberculosis and suffering an apparent stroke, Eleanor Roosevelt died on November 7, 1962, exactly 30 years after FDR won his first term as president. The guests at her funeral included President Kennedy, two former presidents, the chief justice of the Supreme Court, the governor of New York, the mayor of New York City and UN representatives from several countries.

About the Author

David Michaelis is the best-selling author of Schulz and Peanuts and N.C. Wyeth, which won the Ambassador Book Award for biography.

Video & Podcast

Kamala’s Way, An American Life by Dan Morain

Recommendation

In December 2019, running out of funds and sliding in the polls, Senator Kamala Harris made the wrenching decision to end her campaign for president of the United States. After breaking racial and gender barriers in her rise from state to national politics, defeat was a new experience. It was also short-lived: Soon, Harris broke new barriers as America’s first female vice president, its first Black vice president and its first of Indian descent. In this political biography, Sacramento Bee journalist Dan Morain relates Harris’s meteoric rise and major accomplishments. 

Take-Aways

• Kamala Harris began her career as a prosecutor for Alameda County, California.
• Harris first held elective office as district attorney for San Francisco.
• She became California’s attorney general in 2011. 
• Harris touted a range of achievements in her bid for re-election as attorney general in 2014.
• Soon after her re-election, Harris declared her candidacy for the US Senate.
• In 2018, Harris decided to run for president. She ended her campaign in December 2019.
• In 2020, Joe Biden chose Harris to be his running mate. 

Kamala’s Way Book Summary

Kamala Harris began her career as a prosecutor for Alameda County, California.

Kamala Devi Harris was born in 1964 in Oakland, California, to immigrant parents. Dr. Shyamala Gopalan was a cancer researcher from India,and Donald Jasper Harris was a Jamaican economist. 

Harris attended historically Black Howard University, earning a degree in political science and economics in 1986.A year later, she entered the UC Hastings College of the Law. In 1990, after passing California’s arduous state bar exam on her second attempt, Harris took a position as a rookie prosecutor in the Alameda County district attorney’s office. She has said that she became a prosecutor to advocate for the most vulnerable and voiceless members of society. 

“Harris was energetic, willing to take tough cases, laser-focused, driven to be successful.”

Harris entered California politics in 1994. She had become romantically involved with state assembly speaker Willie Lewis Brown Jr., a powerful figure in California politics. Brown offered her an appointment to the state board that dealt with jobless benefits. She subsequently joined the part-time board that supervised California’s Medi-Cal contracts.Harris’s relationship with Brown ended shortly after his successful 1995 campaign for mayor of San Francisco. She returned to the Alameda County district attorney’s office. 

In 1998, Harris became a supervisor in the office of San Francisco district attorney Terence Hallinan. She soon moved up to the role of chief assistant in charge of the career criminal division. She left the district attorney’s office after missing out on a promotion to become Hallinan’s second-in-command. She briefly ran the Family and Children’s Services section of the city attorney’s office. 

Harris first held elective office as district attorney for San Francisco.

In 2002, Harris decided to run against Hallinan for district attorney. Hallinan was vulnerable: His relationship with the city’s police force had soured, he was publicly squabbling with Mayor Brown and the press had turned hostile.

“San Franciscans play a hard brand of brawling politics. Politicians who make it in San Francisco know how to win.”

Running under the slogan “Today’s Voice for Justice,” Harris promised to bolster the prosecution of drug cases, improve conviction rates, repair the district attorney’s relationship with the police, and intensify the office’s focus on domestic violence and the human trafficking of children. She won the race by a 56% to 44% margin, and took office in 2004.

During her campaign, Harris had promised to end California’s use of the death penalty. A few months into her tenure, this stance sparked a crisis with the police force. On the evening of April 10, 2004, a suspected gang member opened fire on officer Isaac Espinoza with an AK-47, killing him. In California, murdering a cop is a capital offense, but Harris refused to seek the death penalty, further straining her office’s relations with the police. Bay Area officers were furious – they turned their backs on Harris when she walked through the Hall of Justice. The city’s police chief denounced the decision, and politicians from both parties attacked her. In 2007, a jury found the assailant guilty of murder, and the court sentenced him to life in prison without parole.

During her time as district attorney, one of Harris’s signature initiatives was a crime prevention program at the Sunnydale housing project, where street gangs held sway. She established a policy of dismissing charges against first-time nonviolent offenders if they joined a job-training program.

Harris’s proactive approach included a focus on truancy in elementary schools. When she later ran for California attorney general, she promoted a program that threatened sanctions – including fines and jail time – against parents whose children regularly missed school. 

She became California’s attorney general in 2011. 

Only 11 months into her second term as San Francisco district attorney, Harris announced her candidacy for state attorney general. Such rapid upward movement became one of her favorite campaign strategies: She would make an early, splashy announcement in an effort to thin the field of likely primary opponents.

Harris faced formidable obstacles. The police unions, which historically endorsed Democrats, refused to back her. But the reformist police chief of Los Angeles, William Bratton, endorsed her.During the primary, she dealt with the death of her mother, who had been undergoing chemotherapy.

In the general election, Harris faced Republican Steve Cooley. She ran on a platform that included support for criminal-justice reform and marriage equality, while Cooley pledged to be tough on crime,to uphold the death penaltyand to defend traditional marriage. Most of the state’s newspapers endorsed Cooley.

“Kamala Harris misses little and forgets even less. â€

On November 2, 2010, Harris outperformed Cooley in the Bay Area and Los Angeles County, and was elected Attorney General, becoming for the first time, but not the last, the first woman, Black person, and person of Indian descent to assume a crucial public office.

As Attorney General, Harris took bold stands against for-profit colleges, child human trafficking and the predatory lending practices that led to California’s foreclosure crisis. However, she did not take a stand on 2012’s Proposition 36 ballot initiative, which aimed to temper California’s harsh “three strikes” law. This law had resulted in instances in which shoplifting offenses led to 25-years-to-life sentences. California was struggling with a prison system so overcrowded that the US Supreme Court said it violated constitutional provisions against cruel and unusual punishment.

Harris argued that having her deputies take a stand on ballot initiatives could complicate their duties since they wrote the initiative summaries that appeared on ballots and might have to defend such measures during trials. She may have been making a political calculation: If someone got out of prison because of the new law and committed a brutal crime, a future opponent could have used that to attack her during a campaign.

Harris touted a range of achievements in her bid for re-election as attorney general in 2014.

During her first term, Harris played a role in negotiating a $20 billion settlement with major lenders for California homeowners who were suffering during the mortgage and foreclosure crisis. She sued polluting businesses, enforced privacy laws that affected the state’s thriving technology industry, expanded access to police records about the deaths of people in custody, and established a solicitor general’s unit to argue cases before state and federal supreme courts.

“Harris took positions when she needed to and when those stands might help her politically.”

Between 2004 and 2013, California became the stage for the fight for marriage equality. Harris had little involvement in the early part of the struggle, but as attorney general she refused to defend the Proposition 8 ballot initiative, which arose after the state supreme court ruled in May of 2008 that marriage equality is a basic human right. In response, religious conservatives launched Prop 8 to overturn the court’s decision. It passed in November. Harris advocated for having it struck down, which the court did in June 2013.

In August 2014, Harris married entertainment lawyer Douglas C. Emhoff.

Soon after her re-election, Harris declared her candidacy for the US Senate.

Harris began her second term as attorney general in January 2015. Less than two weeks later, she announced that she was running for the seat of retiring US Senator Barbara Boxer.

Harris won the Senate race easily, but her victory coincided with Donald Trump’s shocking presidential win over Hillary Clinton. When she addressed her victory party that night, Harris vowed to fight the Trump agenda, promising to champion immigrant rights, women’s health care and reproductive rights, civil rights, the Black Lives Matter movement and efforts to combat climate change.

In Washington, DC, she gained assignments to four prominent Senate committees: the Select Committee on Intelligence; the Environment and Public Works Committee, which afforded her the opportunity to deal with issues important to California, such as water use and forest management; the Budget Committee, where she could have an impact on the Affordable Care Act; and the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, which would heighten her national profile.

When Harris’s committee interviewed Gen. John F. Kelly, Trump’s nominee for Homeland Security secretary, she grilled him on Trump’s intention to deport the Dreamers â€“ illegal immigrants who had been brought to the United States by their parents when they were children – whom Barack Obama had protected with the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program. She also got the Republican congressman from Kansas, Mike Pompeo, nominee for CIA director, to agree that he would accept scientific conclusions when overseeing the CIA’s study of how climate change affects global conflicts. Under her questioning, he also agreed to equal protection for LGBTQ and Muslim-American employees of the agency. 

“Her ability to come up with pithy sound bites, viral videos and eye-catching headlines elevated her…to becoming a star.”

In the ensuing months, Harris confronted various Trump administration officials. She flustered Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. 

In 2018, Harris decided to run for president. She ended her campaign in December 2019.

Even before she announced her candidacy for the presidency, it was clear to many that she was considering that step. Harris campaigned on behalf of Senate and House candidates running in the midterm elections, making stops in important primary states, including Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Nevada. She spoke out in support of the Affordable Care Act and a reduction in middle-class taxes.

In July 2018, Harris met with her staff, advisers and family members to decide if she was going to run. The team believed her history as a prosecutor, her positions supporting immigrants and her connections to fundraising in the Bay Area would give her an advantage. Her game plan was to perform well in Iowa, New Hampshire and Nevada, win South Carolina and pick up the highest number of delegates in her home state.

“Her star was ascending, and she was setting out to win the biggest race of all.”

The field included other strong female candidates, including senators Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar. Warren and fellow senator Bernie Sanders dominated the left flank, and South Bend mayor Pete Buttigieg, a millennial, appealed to those seeking new, younger faces. Harris’s jump in the polls faded as Biden voters remained loyal to him.

On the eve of the Iowa caucuses, running low on cash, Harris pulled out of the race.

In 2020, Joe Biden chose Harris to be his running mate. 

Joe Biden announced during a March 15, 2020, debate that he would pick a woman as his running mate. Influential friends of Harris lobbied for her, scheduling a July 31 Zoom call with the Biden campaign. On the call, California lieutenant governor Eleni Kounalakis and the mayors of San Francisco, Oakland, Long Beach and Stockton each spent two minutes presenting a case for Harris as vice presidential nominee.Other events during those months, including the deaths of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor at the hands of police, influenced Biden’s choice.

“She would…bring excitement and maybe even some dance moves to a ticket led by a man who would be the oldest person ever elected president.”

Another major influence was her friendship with Biden’s late son Beau, who had held her in high regard before his death in 2015 due to brain cancer. He’d become friends with Harris when he was attorney general of Delaware and had worked with her on the mortgage crisis legislation in 2011.

On August 11, via Zoom, Joe Biden invited Kamala Harris to join his presidential team with the words “Are you ready to go to work?”

About the Author

Journalist Dan Morain covered California politics for the Los Angeles Times and The Sacramento Bee.

Video & Podcast

Digital Goddess, The Unfiltered Lessons of a Female Entrepreneur by Victoria Montgomery Brown

Recommendation

Victoria Montgomery Brown candidly covers the highs and lows of being a female entrepreneur. Brown and co-founder Peter Hopkins started the online firm Big Think, which offers short, informational videos made with leading experts. Brown begins with how a vengeful ex-boss got the police to arrest her, and why you must be transparent with investors about everything, including a criminal record. She tracks issues women entrepreneurs face with raising funds, being the boss, maintaining partnerships, handling sexism, and more. To warn and encourage female executives, Brown hits each facet of starting and leading a company.  

Take-Aways

• Entrepreneurs should never lie to their investors – even if they just got arrested.
• Women entrepreneurs have a tough time raising start-up capital.
• Women entrepreneurs must have the attitude that they, “will stop at (nearly) nothing to get it done.”
• Starting a company and transitioning to the role of boss is challenging. Work with people you like.
• Despite myriad difficulties, being a female founder and CEO does have advantages.
• Managing a business partnership resembles a marriage. Entrepreneurs should avoid divorcing their business partners.
• Women CEOs must be careful not to let their business undermine their health.

Digital Godness Book Summary

Entrepreneurs should never lie to their investors (even if they just got arrested).

Victoria Montgomery Brown, co-founder and CEO of Big Think, worried her company would fall apart when the New York City Police (NYPD) called her to a midtown precinct and arrested her. An amused detective said she’d angered some powerful people.

Her arrest had roots in the past. In 2003, right after completing her MBA from Harvard Business School, Brown went to work for a major television journalist, “Mr. Snider,” who had a prime-time show. A friend and Harvard classmate introduced her to Snider. After she freelanced for several months, Snider hired Brown the night before Thanksgiving. She worked for him as a producer who booked guests, including big names in entertainment, fashion, politics and business.

After six months, Brown became a recruiter seeking Ivy League graduates to work for Snider, who had an obsession with Harvard. In the spring of 2004, Snider hired producer Peter Hopkins, a Harvard grad. Brown and Hopkins instantly clicked; he was tall, handsome, gay and funny. They created a parody website called WASPdate. Wanting to produce something more thoughtful, they decided to create Big Think, an online business featuring smart, educational interviews with leaders and experts. As they envisioned it, it would resemble the brainstorming World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, but it would be online for everyone. 

“I’m not going to lie; I think that it’s likely even more important for women to show that they are all in. From the investors’ perspective (perhaps unjustifiably so), it’s a risky enough concept to invest in a female founder, so she had better show that she’s totally committed and will stop at (nearly) nothing to get it done.”

Brown and Hopkins secured $1.4 million in start-up funding for Big Think and quit their jobs. Snider, supportive, threw a going-away party. He asked Brown what she’d miss about working there, and she joked, “The car service!” not knowing that would lead to her arrest a year later. Snider told the NYPD that Brown used the company car service after he no longer employed her. That was true. She had continued to do small tasks for Snider to maintain their business relationship. The police let her leave, but Brown feared telling her investors.

She and Hopkins called their early investors, including David Frankel and economist Larry Summers, president of Harvard and former Treasury Secretary under Bill Clinton. Though the NYPD charged her with grand larceny, both investors supported her. She thanked them and promised Big Think would continue. Honesty strengthens relationships; deceit erodes them. Brown and Hopkins called all of their major investors about Brown’s arrest. She got Peter Schaffer, a criminal defense attorney, to represent her. Snider never dropped the case. Schaffer negotiated a plea deal of two days of community service with no criminal record.

Women entrepreneurs have a tough time raising start-up capital.

Gaining your initial investment is hard because even interested investors won’t invest until other investors put money up, particularly with female start-up founders. On April 7, 2007, Brown and Hopkins signed their paperwork and were officially in business. One round of funding wasn’t enough for Big Think. They raised $1.4 million, but spent it quickly creating a website, booking talent, creating written content, and shooting and editing video interviews. Because of the tough economy, they sought private investors, who were usually older, white and male. A Boston Consulting Group study reports that even though women-run start-ups receive less initial funding than male-run start-ups, they eventually make more money. Women entrepreneurs generate $0.78 in revenue for every $1 raised compared to men who generate $0.31 for every $1 raised.

“There have been times when I could have compromised my own principles because we needed the money or the sale or whatever, but in the end, my self-worth and integrity have always mattered more. This is a line I’ve walked my entire career.”

Still, women face questions few people ask men. They must answer risk avoidance questions, which deal with safety and possible loss. In contrast, investors ask men promotional questions that address their accomplishments and objectives. Brown notes that her having attended Harvard made investors take her more seriously than they might have otherwise – not as seriously as men start-up leaders, but more seriously than other women.

Women entrepreneurs must have the attitude that they “will stop at (nearly) nothing to get it done.”

Entrepreneurs should work on their business daily and fulfill a variety of functions. Brown and Hopkins hired an accountant, two employees and freelance videographers. Brown was founder, CEO, HR officer, agent, reporter, gofer and more. In Big Think’s early days, she and Hopkins lined up speakers to feature on their website: science author Steven Pinker, business author Michael Porter, and the late business strategist Clayton Christensen. 

“Don’t become paralyzed by the enormous list of tasks ahead of you. Do something every day to further your objective. Every step matters. It doesn’t have to be a great big task, like writing a business plan.”

All entrepreneurs need mentors, but they’re a particular benefit for female entrepreneurs. Brown turns to senior male executives for candid feedback and has worked with female mentors though women are unusual in the start-up world. One mentor, serial entrepreneur Carla Newman, shared lessons she learned as the only woman in the room and told Brown how she coped with male egos. Brown urges women to find female mentors, but reminds them that they are a rare breed. Larry Summers, an early investor, became Brown’s mentor and friend. Brown believes a mentor should give honest and critical feedback. Entrepreneurs should be able to ask their mentors for help when they need it.

Starting a company and transitioning to the role of boss is challenging. Work with people you like.

Bosses have to deal with hiring, managing and – with employees who aren’t a good fit – occasionally firing people. Brown learned that entrepreneurs should hire slowly and fire quickly. She had her share of offbeat personnel problems, including dealing with a junior editor who had smelly feet. She approached him in a non-threatening way and used herself as an example. Earlier in her career, she’d learned that her perfume made some people feel ill. She stopped wearing it. Tapping into that experience, she encouraged the editor to wear fresh shoes to spare his nearby colleagues. Her approach resolved the problem.

“One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made is not getting rid of toxic people quickly enough. And also, hiring people when I had even an inkling they may not work out.”

Brown learned the hard way that entrepreneurs should be aware of their own confirmation bias. She wanted to hire mostly Ivy League graduates, but made mistakes with at least two of them, especially a woman referred to here as Lucy. Lucy was a smart, sassy writer, but suffered from feeling entitled. Brown hired her despite sensing possible friction. Though good at her job, Lucy was sarcastic and acted miffed about doing tasks she found menial. Brown thought perhaps she didn’t like working for another women.

In May 2008, Lucy was still at Big Think, but other team members privately approached Brown and Hopkins about problems with her. Hopkins fired her after Lucy wrote inappropriate headlines on their website that almost cost them a major sponsor. Lucy screamed, and wept and hid in a broom closet. That evening, Brown checked her email and discovered Lucy had called her a foul name and referred to her as “Liquid Nitrogen” in an email sent to all staffers and possibly external people. Big Think expert Bill Eddy identifies Lucy and her ilk as toxic, high-conflict people who create drama by blaming others and playing the victim instead of resolving problems.

​​​No person is necessary if he or she fosters a toxic work environment. Roger, another HCP, was with Big Think from the company’s inception and became COO. Things started falling apart a few years later; Brown didn’t want to fire Roger because she worried two other employees might quit if she did. Three staffers told Brown independently that Roger was so toxic they would quit if he weren’t fired. She and Hopkins found that Roger had withheld and hoarded information to make himself indispensable. Brown called him at 9:30 p.m. and angrily fired him.

Despite myriad difficulties, being a female founder and CEO does have advantages.

Women should own their power and embrace their femininity. They shouldn’t try to act like men to succeed. Vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness. Women entrepreneurs have to deal with the sexism inherent in business, but sometimes being the only female in the room can be an advantage. No company or person should tolerate sexual harassment. Brown had to brush off minor offenses – usually from men 65 and older; she believes that older men went through most of their professional lives with only subordinate women in the workplace, if any. Ideally, older men should change their behavior but it doesn’t always happen. 

While Brown acknowledges that she might need to be harsher with men who made misogynistic or demeaning comments, she decided to do what she felt was best for her company without undermining her values. She deflects inappropriate comments with humor, which she finds is a more effective tool than outrage. She once wore a pair of fashionably ripped jeans to a summer party. An older man she knew in banking offered to buy her a new pair without rips. She laughed and said she’d email him some suggestions. Another man overheard and told Brown he thought she handled that situation well. He became an adviser to Big Think. Women CEOs must decide they are worthy of commanding the same attention as a male CEO and act like it.

“I’ve learned along the way to ask for what you want. Be fearless. The only downside is a no. As our lead investor constantly said to me: ‘You don’t ask, you don’t get.’ Women sometimes have a tough time asking. Go for it.”

In 2018, women leaders ran only 4.8% of Fortune 500 companies, received only 2.2% of US venture capital ($2.3 billion out of $96.7 billion), and earned only 80 cents for every dollar a man made, a collective loss of more than $500 billion. Brown believes that women leading their own start-ups â€“rather than becoming employees at an entrenched company – have excellent opportunities to change these conditions.

Managing a business partnership is a lot like a marriage. Entrepreneurs should avoid divorcing their business partners.

Brown finds romance elusive. She married, but eventually divorced, because she was married to her job. Her business partnership with Peter Hopkins endures. Successful business partners complement one another: Brown, the pragmatist and decision-maker, balanced Hopkins, the creative visionary and optimist. 

Brown and Hopkins confronted two major issues that could have wrecked their partnership. In December 2007, while Brown was reeling from her unfair arrest, Hopkins received a positive diagnosis of HIV. They hugged, cried and vowed to carry on. When Hopkins took a few days off work, she called him often to check on him. In 2013, Hopkins’s creative behavior turned erratic and dangerous, but Brown refused to confront him. He swung back and forth between being aggressive toward staff members and ignoring them. Right before a big event, Hopkins wanted to scrap the program and start over. Her employees warned Brown not to let him attend, and she learned he’d become addicted to crystal meth. After the event, the entire staff threatened to quit if Brown didn’t stage an intervention.

“When you commit to a business partner, it’s more than just business. Your success becomes dependent on your partner’s success, and vice versa.”

Brown acknowledges that she and Hopkins had become codependent, but she finally confronted him. She told him he couldn’t report to work, manage staff or handle projects until he was clean. Hopkins was angry, but he knew she was right. He went through rehabilitation and came back better than ever. Hopkins, in turn, gave Brown a high level of support when she went through her own health crisis.

Women CEOs must be careful not to let their business undermine their health.

Brown arrived at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York, convinced she was having a stroke despite being in her early 40s and relatively healthy. After many tests, she discovered she’d had a panic attack. Earlier, she’d had several smaller breakdowns and once almost passed out during a board meeting. Brown’s anxiety was affecting her physically. She would get dizzy getting into cars or planes and while imagining worse-case scenarios. By the spring of 2016, after nine years of running the business, she could tell her mental health was deteriorating. In that time span, Brown had dealt with a divorce, the end of a long-term relationship and the death of her mother.

“Mental health is a topic that’s often left out of the start-up conversation. But it shouldn’t be. Stress and anxiety are familiar states to most founders, and we rarely speak openly about how we deal with them.”

Hopkins told her she needed professional help. In addition to therapy, Brown took prescription medication to manage her anxiety and depression. However, anxiety and depression have no magic cure. Brown used different techniques to help herself, including medication, reading relevant books such as Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain, and participating in a week-long, off-the-grid therapy retreat. She feels she learned life lessons that are connected to her work, and she cautions other entrepreneurs to guard their health and well-being.

About the Author

Victoria Montgomery Brown is the CEO and co-founder of Big Think, an online company that offers short informational videos featuring leaders and experts.

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